Why Would Anyone Do This???

I dunno why i began blogging like this...i dont know why I wanted to torture myself by reminding myself of things that were not meant to be...
A friend once told me in a fit that I loved inflicting pain on myself and revelled in being remorseful/bitchy/filled with self-pity...I retaliated vehemently...said he was really mean to have thought something like this abt me after knowing me....KNOWING ME...I now realise that it was me who didnt have even the slightest clue abt myself...
If what he said wasnt true...then what is this blog??? A figment of my imagination....??? NO....all these incidents have been painfully taken out of a time in my life that is now best left forgotten...
Then WHY did I pen all these memories down...? Beats me...maybe I am what he accused me of being...but in the end...I did what I thought was right for me at that minute...
If i had to keep talking to my friends abt what a wonderful time it was with him and how I HORRIBLY TERRIBLY miss it...I dunno if I'd have anyone left by my side who d still be interested in my stuck-up life....but a blog cant talk back...it cant tell me to move on...get a life...it s just doomed to listen to me...give me a space to voice out my silent cries of pain...it cannot get bored/ irritated/ frustrated/ concerned/whatever....
Quite honestly, in another 2 months, it will be 2 years since we broke up...left each other's lives....though I ve tried somehow...sometimes cruelly to get bak into that time...I have FAILED...that magic exists only in the past...only inside my memories...it cant be made to work again....and in accepting that fact lies the beauty of it all - I ve NOW come to realise....
I wouldnt say I ve been in mourning for my relationship that could've been, all the time these past 2 years...new relationships blossomed...only to wither away in the light of my constant comparing of the new ones with my old one....I sort of benchmarked that magical relationship...looked for its manifestation somewhere else, with someone else....and quite obviously now, and very rudely then, it never worked...I could never find another person who would replace him...who would fill that hole in my heart...
Today, at the verge of another one of those new "relationships", Im quite prepared to face the fact that this wont work too...but at least this time, the guy's to blame too, for there has been no reciprocation...or should I say no genuiness in his idea of reciprocating....
But this recent one, paved the way for my understanding that my old relationship was never ever going to materialise again...even if it did, it too wouldnt work at the end, because, now both of us are changed persons...people who ve gone through immense emotional trauma...self-inflicted or otherwise...he is into alcohol and most recently, into drugs....and though i ve not taken to such measures, in my own way Im not that 12th standard kid who he fell in love with...Im no longer as innocent as he wants me to be...Im no longer that girl who will be content in just knowing him and no other guy...we will never gell again...and to forcefully make this relationship come to form once again, is only setting up each other for disaster...and neither of us needs it...
One thing is true, though...if I ever truly truly FELL IN LOVE with someone, it is with him...and in love with him I will always remain...regardless of the number of new ppl I may meet and the imminent marriage situation....
I wish he could read this blog...but again...he wont and he shouldn't as well....
Love is pain...and the funny thing is we cant be smart and avoid it...all of us will have to go thru it...and that s when we realise in love's pain lies its beauty....

Im A rArEiTy!!!!!

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

HaNdWriTiNg TeLlS u AlL!!!

What Your Handwriting Says About You

You are a fairly energetic person. You know how do pace yourself, and you deal well with stress. You are somewhat outgoing, but you're not a natural extrovert. You think first before you act. You tend to be independent, rational, and logical. You are balanced and grounded. You know how to get along well with others. You need a bit of space in your life, but you're not a recluse. You expect people to give you a small amount of privacy, and you respect their privacy as well. You are somewhat traditional, but you are also open to change. You listen to your head and your heart. You are a good communicator. You work hard to get your ideas across effectively.

What Does Your Handwriting Say About You?

WaTeVEr!!!!!

You Belong in 1973

Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!

What Year Do You Belong In?

SoUnDs A lOt LiKe mOi!!!! :)

You Are a Phoenix

Driven and ambitious, you tend to acquire material success easily. You have grand schemes - both for your own life and for changing the whole world. You are a great leader, and you have no problem taking the reigns. However, you aren't all business. You also have great talents for performing and visual arts.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

HoW CluTtErEd My MiNd Is...HmMmM....:)

Your Mind is 55% Cluttered

Your mind is starting to get cluttered, and as a result, it's a little harder for you to keep focused. Try to let go of your pettiest worries and concerns. The worrying is worse than the actual problems!

How Cluttered is Your Mind?

My EQ ReSuLtS!!

Your EQ is 127

You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. On an average day, you're quite happy, together, and content. You live your life well. Your emotions aren't always stable, but you can go along with the ups and downs pretty well. You tend to be motivated, energetic, focused, and level headed. You see the world pretty rationally, and you don't tend to over dramatize things. When things are bad, you know they eventually have to get better.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?